Trust...Do I really?

Why is it so hard to trust in the Lord? Have you really ever been in a position that required complete and total trust in the Lord?

I thought I had become pretty good at this over the years through the personal trials with family, friends, finances, employment just to name a few...and then...He took my life to a whole new level.

In many ways I have completely connected with the term "wandering in the desert". Learning to lean on God, follow him and hear him even in the dry times has been the theme of my life over the last few years. There are other times that I have seen more growth in my walk with the Lord over the last 10 years (in the desert) than I have had in 20 plus years.

I am not even sure where I am going with this tonight. I know that I am in a place that is truly where God has placed me. I know that the doors that have recently closed are not because of anything other than the Lord leading me in a new direction. With this comes complete trust and surrendering to His will for my life...EVERY...SINGLE...DAY.

I wake up in the morning and have made a commitment to spend time with the Lord before I reach for my phone, computer or anything else. Making God my first priority of every day is something I know he has been calling me to for a while now. So, I started my journey. I woke up every day and spent time reading my "one year reading plan" of my bible. I love doing that, but then I very clearly heard the Lord telling me that He wanted me to do this with my boys. He wanted them to know HIStory. He spoke to me telling me that it was my job to teach them HIStory, and my time with them is short. So, after they returned from their visit with their father at Thanksgiving, we began our daily reading plan together.

We are only on day two and I am so thankful we have made through two days of waking up at 5 am with two boys, and myself staying up late to work on client galleries. The amount of issues that we have faced these two days alone are proof enough that Satan doesn't want us to continue. But in the midst of the trials I have seen two boys be more loving and helpful towards each other (without me telling them to) than I have ever seen them! Timothy wakes up in a bad mood every day...something I struggled with years ago. But by the time we are done reading, he is calm and focused and even more engaged than I had expected. He is working hard to bring up his grades in school and Jesse is so focused on getting scholarships for college. He has been coming home and researching colleges and the cost for everything for his chosen major (pretty early for this decision I know) but he is leaning in the same direction me. He wants to major in graphic arts and design.

It's late and I am beginning to ramble. I am looking forward to where this is leading. I know God is doing a new thing in our family, and definitely in me.

Today I was concerned about some personal I set out to fix them in my "own way". Shortly after setting out to do this, I passed a small white hand written sign someone placed along the road. It read "God's Got This". I pondered this for a while and even mentioned it to my husband. After an hour or so it was clear that "my idea" of fixing this was not working and God was speaking volumes. I returned home only an hour or so later to God providing a solution to my concerns bigger than I could have ever achieved on my own.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, But I am committed to trusting the Lord more tomorrow than I started out doing today.